
Dear Kids,
As I write this, I'm reflecting on my journey and the lessons I've learned and am still learning. Today, I want to have a heartfelt conversation with you about one of the most important decisions you'll ever make: choosing your spouse. This isn't just about finding someone to share your life with, but about finding a partner who will walk with you through every high and low, someone who will be your anchor and your biggest supporter. Unfortunately, I have never had my father around to tell me this, and I wish I had.
Marriage is hard as hell. It will be a journey filled with highs and lows, requiring relentless effort and commitment if it's going to work. The actual test of a marriage isn't just about enjoying the good times; it's about weathering the storms together.
Kids, you'll need a partner willing to stand by you, fight with you, and navigate the challenges alongside you. This is why finding the right person is crucial. They'll be your rock when times are tough, your cheerleader when you're down, and your companion through every step of life's unpredictable path. Even the most brutal battles become manageable with the right partner, and every low point is just a stepping stone to a stronger, more resilient bond.
The Importance of Truth
One of the key foundations of any relationship is truth. If your potential spouse cannot be truthful with you from the beginning, this is a significant red flag. A person who truly cares for you and believes you are "the one" will trust you with their past, including their emotional pain. They will trust that you will guard that pain and help them heal, and you will do this together, just as they should help you heal from your own past.
If you have to learn about essential parts of their past from others or uncover secrets when visiting their hometown or in random conversations with their friends, it's time to open your eyes. Trust and transparency are crucial. A healthy relationship cannot be built on lies or half-truths. Always remember that honesty is a two-way street; you should be equally open and honest with them.
Understanding Their Family Dynamics
When considering a potential spouse, take a good look at their parents. Son, please note that daughters, more often than not, will follow in their mother's footsteps. No matter how much they say they are different or how much they convince themselves they are, their mother's behaviors and patterns will likely emerge.
Similarly, for my daughters, please pay close attention to the relationship dynamics between your potential partner and their father. Observing the dynamics between a father and his son can offer valuable insights into the character and values of the person you're considering for a lifelong partnership.
In some instances, the father may not be present, and the mother may play a dominant role in the child's life. In such cases, it can be challenging to navigate the relationship dynamics, as some mothers may perceive you as a threat to their bond.
Identifying Signs of Trauma
It's essential to look for any signs of trauma in your potential spouse's life. Explore their parents' relationship history. If they were married and then divorced, find out why. Understanding the family dynamics can give you insight into potential issues or patterns that may affect your relationship.
Get to know their siblings if possible. They can be a valuable resource in understanding what life was like for your potential spouse growing up. Observe how they interact with their parents and significant others. This can provide additional clues about their behavior and potential challenges.
The Pet Factor
One aspect you might not immediately consider is their relationship with pets. If they have a pet, inquire about the reason they got it. Trauma might be involved, and you may not get the full story right away, but over time, with observation and an open mind, you will understand. People often get pets to feel loved, to cope with loneliness, or as a result of a breakup. This can be a window into their emotional state and needs.
Previous Relationships
Ask about their previous relationships. While you might not get the complete truth, this can still provide valuable insights. Observe if they are more of a runner or a fighter in tough times. You need to go through difficult situations together to see how they respond before you decide to marry them. It's crucial to understand their patterns and behaviors in relationships to know if they are willing to work through challenges with you.
The Importance of Taking Time
Choosing a spouse is a decision that should not be rushed. Take your time to truly get to know the person. The dating phase is not just about having fun but also about understanding each other deeply. Observe how they handle stress, how they treat their family and friends, and how they communicate. These observations will give you a clearer picture of who they are and if they are the right person for you.
My dear children, choosing a spouse is one of the most significant decisions you will make in your life. It's a choice that will impact your happiness, growth, children, and well-being. Take your time, be observant, and prioritize truth and transparency. Look deeply into their family dynamics and history, and understand their emotional baggage.
Most importantly, ensure they are someone who will stand by you through thick and thin, someone who will make you a better person, and someone you can trust with your heart.
L.A.Z, I love you all very much and wish you the best in this journey of finding your forever partner!
With all my love,
OLD Whiskin'DAD
(By the time you see this, I'll be old)
These words are full of love and meaning, Larry King. It is so important to see unhealed trauma and work through those things. You have nothing but love to give. Your kids and A-Pie are so lucky to have you!