5 Things I've learned while Father-Child Bonding!

Bonding: The establishment of a relationship or link with someone based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences. Those last two meant the world to me as a child and bonding with my father was something that I truly coveted. Unfortunately, that never transpired.

However, like the heroic figure she is, my mother walked up to the plate, planted her feet, looked directly at the outfield of life, smiled, and said no strikeouts here. My mother gave me strength, security, and established the core values that I live by today. During my formative years, I constantly wondered and even compared myself to my father without any personal relationship or understanding of him.

That constant agonizing over if I was just like him, taught me that a father-child bond is of the essence.

Here are 5 things that I have learned about early father-child bonding.

• As dads, we find increased confidence as we spend quality bonding time with our children and even become a tad less stressed: I can recall as a new father how nervous I was about almost everything. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be the greatest dad this kid would ever know. This nervousness led to overthinking and stressing round the clock, writing everything down from feedings to diaper changes, and wondering why my son had more activity one day and less the next. This is where me spending valuable quality time with him aided in me relaxing and putting down that (stressed dad hat). Watching my son respond positively towards me further assured me that spending time bonding with him is what we both needed and that “DAD life rocks!”.

• Children who have highly involved dads, living in a household with both parents have been reported to have a better chance of getting all A’s and 40% less likely to repeat a grade: My children are young preschoolers. Even at their age, I have recognized that a foundation is being set. Most children are naturally curious. When my kids would explore my wife and I would jump at the chance to teach them correct pronunciation and proper function of whichever item piqued their curiosity at that moment. I am very pleased to say that my kiddos have been class leaders in the Montessori school they currently attend based on reports from their teachers. My son did inherit his father's ability to be a social butterfly and uses the H E double hockey sticks out of that charm. We’re working on him scaling that back.

• My children’s mental development is being elevated: A proud Dad moment for me is when my children are in their meltdown mode and I start to execute my “Dad Plan”. My children have started to identify what it is that upsets them and take ownership of it and then apologize. Or maybe it’s just that my children have figured out how to get dad to tear up and give them a supersized hug. Last week, the two oldest came to me after they crossed the street onto meltdown avenue, said “Dad I was really upset about_________ then said I’m sorry about that and I promise not to cry again". That self-compassion and acknowledgment from two preschoolers will make any loving father’s heart smile.

• It's been said that children who have strong relationships with highly involved fathers have better relationships with peers and are less likely to be involved in crime along with drug and alcohol abuse: As a loving father, I hope this is true. The only crime my kids have committed is being too astonishingly cute and charming. How cheesy was that?!? Even at their young age, while interacting with their peers and older children they treat them as if they are trying to get a 5-star friendship rating on yelp. Making thank you notes for friends, addressing adults by Mr. and Mrs, and what I find most admirable is the compassion they show for an injured or unhappy friend. We are still working on sharing for longer than a millisecond.

• Confidence: I rather enjoy seeing my children gaining confidence. It hits home for me knowing that my children do not have to wonder how proud their dad is of them. Recently my children have started swimming classes, and my middle child has shown fearlessness. She will jump in the water with the mindset of Michael Phelps with the speed of Eric Moussambani. My eldest and I are very much alike in the water, trying to figure out who just pushed us in here. Unfortunately, I see that he gets bothered by the fact that his younger sister takes to the water confidently while he's working up the nerves. I take such great pride in reassuring him that he will accomplish everything he sets out to achieve along with achieving the Michael Phelps swimmers mindset.

Being a dad is a lifetime of work, a lifetime of learning, a lifetime of understanding, and a lifetime of inspiration and influence. Along with mothers, we dads are pillars in our children’s well-being and development. We're often viewed as the one who provides emotional and physical security. Dads, the mother-child bond is the most incredible and beautiful thing that will happen to our children. It’s up to us to establish a strong and reliable father-child bond. The father-child bond is equally incredible and beautiful as the mother-child bond. As parents, we should strive to provide and facilitate both bonds with our children for their best chance in life.